16

So next Tuesday, on Cinco de Mayo I will turn the big one. The one that marks how old and mature I really am, and have become.
I will be 16.
A couple years ago I remember looking at my sister when she was 15 and 16 thinking 'wow, where have the years gone for her?' while not even thinking that one day I would be the same age.
I will be entering a stage of my life where soon I'll have to take on new responsibilities. I soon will get my permit, have to take the pSATs, SATs, HASPA and more. Next year, I'm going to have to start looking at colleges! But I don't feel that old, it hasn't sunk in for me yet. I still feel like a like child and when people start saying college, I think to myself, I'm too young.
Nothing has really sunk in since Freshman year. Because you see in middle school, you don't realize how old you really are or what the future holds, you're all about yourself and take one day at a time without even realizing it. I felt apart of middle school, like it was mine, but not for High School. I walked in on the first day of Freshman, feeling out of place. I didn't shriek to my friends "wow can you believe we're Freshman,' because no, I couldn't feel and I still don't as a sophmore, "the wise fools," apart of the High School. Its not mine. My age of 15 did not become me. I almost have no identity, no age, no home town, no High School. I don't feel connected to them in anyway. I could move tomorrow and not miss a thing except for friends.
I almost envy some of the Freshman, they walk around the school, like they own it, they feel comfortable within its walls...how come that never happened to me? Will I next year feel the school is mine since I would have been in it longer? Will I be able to say, "Yeah, that's my school with pride?" I still view the space station of a school as I did as I was young, someplace I may be someday, but I won't think of it now. But it is now, it has happened, that someday is here, I go to the HS, I attend the HS, I am in 10Th grade!
Often times I like to think back, to find out where this dissociation started so I can pin point whether there was an event in my life that I don't remember, that happened to me to make me feel not apart of the school. Every now and then I catch a little glimpse of pride of being the Class of 2011, but then it quickly disappears when I realize it.
I remember when I was graduating from 8Th grade, I was proud to be apart of my class, to be in Team D, it was mine, my people.
I guess its better to feel unconnected to my High School, it will help me move on in life, but what i am afraid of is that I will feel this pride to late, like at my graduation and wont be able to experience, bask in this pride, the glory of being a High Schooler....