I'm always caught in the crossfire, in the middle no matter where...
On my soccer team, I tend to be quieter because I cannot relate to them. Not to sound full of myself, I am smarter and not as into my appearance.
Amongst my friends, who are brillant, I tend to be louder like a fool. I am not as smart as them and feel ashamed to be into my appearance at all.
My athletic friends are into brand names and the newest trends, and I do get looked down upon for shopping at lower stores.
My smart friends are so NOT into brand names. They wear tee-shirts and jeans everyday, and I do get looked down upon for shopping at those higher stores. They think I am so into my appearance, like that is all I do.
So where do I fit into this? Personally, I don't care wear I am, if I like an article of clothing, and it is either on sale or a good price, I buy it! From Wal-mart to Anthrpologie, it really doesn't matter to me. But I do get a thrill from finding something on sale, and final sale.
My smart friend and I have been looking at prom dresses. I tried one on in a store, so she bought hers, I then won a free prom dress, and she exchanges hers for a dress $100 cheaper. I feel like whenever I talk to her, it is always a contest! And she always wants to win! And today when she told me about returning her dress she said that she was 'worried that I would yell at her, for buying a cheap dress. Because I am really into those brand name expensive dresses." And I take offense to that. But I saw her face when I told her about my prize; she had lost. I got my dress for cheaper (for free) so she had to justify the situation in a way that she would come out victorious.
Before gym class, she change. I found a nickel one day and kept it in my shoe for the entire period. And she was jealous! I somehow in her mind, had won. Then when we went back to change, I dumped my shoe upside down to get the nickel out of it. It fell to the floor and she jumped on it! She picked it up and said "I got it, I got it" and she shoved it in my face. Because in the end, she had won.
I'm an athlete so yes, I am competitive but I do not always want to win. I have been playing soccer since I was four years old, so yes I have some skill. In gym class when we were playing soccer she was soooooo aggressive against me, so that she could win. But in the end, I did knock her on her butt a couple times.
I don't know why, but our lives are ALWAYS competitive and in a passive aggressive way. And I'm tired of it. Many times when we were younger, she would tell me lies, that I knew weren't true. And then when I would call her out on them, she would say no I said this, you must have forgot or heard wrong...and played me as the dummy, as me as the fool. And I would just always take it. I'm an easygoing person, somethings just aren't that important to me. But after awhile, it gets to you; and you got to say STOP!
In our eighth grade graduation photo together, she was standing on her tippy toes and stretching her neck up, so she could be as tall as me (or closer to it, since I am four inches taller than her).
If I buy someting expensive, hers is better because she got it for cheap. If I get something at a moderate price, I find out that she got a Gucci bag for Christmas.
Three years ago I showed her these shoes that I liked online, she then told me that she bought them offline and that they were being shipped to her cousins's house. When I ask her if I can see them (because I wanted to see them on her) she then told me that her cousin hadn't given them to her, but has kept them to herself. In the end, I am pretty sure she jus made up the whole story.
When I won the prom dress, I told her by showing her the printout of the e-mail because I knew if something went wrong, and I didn't get the dress, that she would accuse me of never actually winning it. And I'm sure glad I did because it has been three weeks, one week after they actually sent the dress out.
But again, being in the middle. I had on a new necklace and a friend came up to me (a friend who only shops at expensive stores) asks me where I got it. I said JCPennys, and that since my sister works there I got it for 10% off.
She then in return sarcastically said oh wow, 10%
It seems like no matter what I do, I can never win. I am quiet and shy around some, and loud and abnoxious around others. I just don't know!
I guess maybe that is why I often hang out with my family. Because I act totally me, and at ease around them. I am funny, and witty ( I don't act dumb) I speak freely and am just myself...my true self.
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