I have played soccer since I was four years old. When in 3rd grade I switched from Rec to Travel Soccer and played with (pretty much) the same fifteen girls for six years. My dad was my coach, and he tried to be fair by giving all the girls the same amount of playing time.
When I entered sixth grade, which is the middle school for my town I tried out for the school team-and made it. It had been the first time I played for a coach who was not my father, and we practiced everyday.....which for me was very surprising.
But I noticed something that my travel team didn't have...older girls and cattiness. I guess I was just an annoying little girl to them, (I was really innocent) and they didn't really like me. I tried talking to them, but I would often get back a snide remark or a hint to brush off. The games were also a lot harder and I became really really nervous; I was nervous to play in the games because if I made a mistake the other girls would say something. And everything they said shank in, shank in real deep. So my playing started to lack, and me and the other two younger girls would sit on the sidelines and be lucky if we played five minutes at the end. There were a couple games when I was never put in.
This new world was a giant slap in the face for me. The coach's desire to win was so much different than my dad's and I became really quiet and deeply hurt by everything the girls said and did against me. A deep sigh, a 'you got to get there next time' it all hurt.
I remember the first game I played, the coach put me in, and when I couldn't get to the ball in time, it went out of bounds. 'That's ok Kathleen,' is what my coach said but a girl from eighth grade jogged over to me, and said 'you have to get that.' This was the first time I realized that no matter what I did, any and every mistake I made would be held against me.
Every year it got better, until I was an eighth grader one of the old girls and one of the better players. I was actually voted to be a captain along with the other two girls who also played all three years with me.
But.....my one friend decided to play that year, and the other girls didn't like her. There was nothing I could do about it and I was torn between respect from them and keeping my friendship. I somehow did both. But she wanted to play goalie....she thought she could play goalie...and she sucked real bad. Now I know that it was never the goalie's fault, but she made us loss the game..and the girls were of course ruthless.
Also, I had worked so hard those past three years, gone through the practices, the rain, the pain of running and of being unliked......finally FINALLY I could sit in the back of the bus. Especially because I was a captain, but my one friend who was the goalie had an issue of sitting in the back. For some reason it made her claustrophobic, and of course she asked me to sit with her since she would be all alone in the front...so I did. But I hated it every time. I felt like it was finally my turn to be 'one of the girls' and my friend was taking it away from me. Taking away my chance to sit in the back. The girls of course labeled my friend as weird for sitting in the front, why is she sitting up there? They would wonder, I thought that maybe I could escape their ridicule, but I probably too was labeled as weird.
So I ask why, why do people have to be this mean? And to cause so much hurt and pain when it is unneeded? Why do people have to be so cruel? Why aren't we more patient and kind? Don't people know what we say and do can cause scars that never heal? And that it changes victims from innocent human beings to people who wish ill of others? I have never hated anyone more than a person who is mean.
In my experience of middle school and high school soccer
I have changed to a colder, uncaring person. Because well, when I was caring....it didn't matter to them, they picked on me anyways. And also what did I ever do to them? To desire that kind of treatment? Yes I was just an innocent little girl why did you have to break me down?
Now as a Senior in High School, I thought in would be like eighth grade. Me being a 'top dog' but it is not so. The Juniors this year are really catty and pick on everyone and talk about everyone, even about themselves. As soon as one of them leaves, she gets talked about. Now I have befriended an extremely annoying, immature, weird, different, sophomore. But I do not hate her like they do, I do not pick on her like they do. I try to be patient and a friend (because can't we all just use a friend sometimes).
But now me and two other girls who are often partners with her for drills are receiving the same kind of treatment and ridicule. Just for associating with her. And I hate it.
First of all, how can this younger girls justify themselves? How dare they pick on someone who is older than them? I would never dream of doing something so hanous.
Second of all, I have worked so hard to be where I am right now, have waited so long for the older girls to graduate. But now this sophomore and her weirdness is going to screw everything up. And it is so unenjoyable for me. I do not know why I ever go back to play. For the love of soccer? Is my love that strong?
But this treatment makes my now hard skin even harder.
Being proud of who you are is fine, being different is fine
but being so freaking weird and immature is absolutely ridiculous.
I always try not to be weird for my friends, so that they would never be embarrassed to hang out with me.
I feel like she should do the same, or at least try. Doesn't she see that no one likes her? And that her strangeness is pushing everyone away, and making hell for the people who are trying to be nice to her?
-A disillusioned Kathleen
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