Life Update

I would like to go to college to get away from all the stress my family brings.
But living on my own, had its own set of challenges and dilemmas.
If an article of clothes isn't washed, it will no longer be my mom's fault but my own. I may have to stay up late after studying just to purposly do laundry. When I want something to eat, I won't have a packed fridge and cabinets at my hands. It will be up to me to put on my shoes, and bundle up to walk across campus to the only school food store and or lunch room. It will be all up to me, and how I want to handle it. I partly feel that I will be successful at it though. Just having to worry about me and my work. I don't have a boyfriend so that also will make things easier. 50 schools days left til I graduate high school and then two months before I head off to college. I thought just yesterday I learned how to tie my shoes without the "bunny ears" didn't I just take the training wheels off my bike? But now I am driving a car. I can't imagine how my parents feel, they are the ones that taught me how to walk. They remember me way beyond my earliest memory.
I am ready for college. I am ready for the rest of my life.

Growing Up

What have I done?
I've just moved on
Past the arcs of memories
And into the sun.

The rays block my view
of what there is to come.
As I slowly move forward
what is done is done.

Time makes me forget
of the pain that I had.
And I eager look forward
squinting and reaching
for what there is in store.

Where are my bread crumbs?
Where have they gone?
They marked the path to memory
and what I've already done.

Did I move forward to fast?
Or did I miss the train,
As I was growing older
you grew more in pain.

But I must kept moving on
Standing still causes a fear
of being ambiguous and
you can only move forward into the sun.

Didn't you know that?
Or were the rules on clear.
The older you grow, the older
you appear.

It was not a trick, life
was not meant to cut you.
It's how you handle your fears
that life gave to you.

College!

I did it!!!! I enrolled into college!
I'm a college bound girl now!

Yesterday, I accepted a private not-for-profit college in the wonderful county of Lancaster and I can not wait! June please hurry up! I want to graduate high school already!

Nostalgia

It's kinda funny, I become the most nostalgic when spring comes around. When the season turns into spring, with warm and breezy temperatures, you are freed from a jacket and bulky clothing. At least where I live. And I become the most nostalgic around spring because spring and summer are where I have most of my childhood memories. I think to myself, wouldn't it be nice to be a younger kid again? With no worries, or at least simpler ones? Playing outside from sun up to sun set. Playing tag in the morning and man hunt at night. Not having to worry about school work, or the future. The future was the "now," the future was "what are we having for lunch?" instead of "what degree do I want to study?" should I study more for the SATs? You didn't have to worry about eating too much or too little, you ate till you were full than ran outside and played again.
What I really loved was playing in the dirt, and the mud, and out in the puddles on the sidewalk in rain storms. Being entertained by anything animated on tv and making friends with any kid who walked by. But I'm just probably forgetting about all the problems and mishaps of childhood. Being a teenage is great too, but soon I will be going to college and every now and then, I get scared. Really scared. What if I don't make it? What if everything I did to prepare was all for not? What if I'm not prepared? What if it is too hard?
I don't know, but what I would probably do is come home, and play in the next rain storm.

-Kathleen

Classic Novels

So I was sitting in my English classroom today. Homeroom had just started so I just sat there, bored. And behind me is this book shelf, with a nice menagerie of books in it. I looked at the top shelf and picked up the novel "The Lord of the flies". I remember that a movie version of it once came on when my dad and I were watching TV one day. But he changed the channel and said he didn't want me watching it; that was six years ago. I guess now that I am now older I should pick the book up sometime during this summer, I've been told that it gives a very shocking insight into human nature. Laying next to Lord of the Flies was A Raisin in the Sun I was about to read the first page but it was a play, and I'm not a big fan of plays. But it too I will pick up sometime in the summer, because the author sees the world from a viewpoint of which I am not familiar.
Right now in English we are reading The Catcher in the Rye and I absolutely love it. And I'm not even sure why. All the protagonist does is give an account of three days wandering around New York City trying to find himself and waste the days leading up till Christmas Vacation. But it is so full of teenage agonist and sorrow and disappointment, that I can identify with. That I can empathize with and reading the pages of the book is in many ways, putting my worries and anxieties on paper. Even though I am only in chapter 10, I already know that I will be sad once I finish it, because there is no more to read.

Aw The Fruits of Summer

I know that it is only March, but I am already thinking of summer.
The hot sweltering days, the warm breezy nights.
Just thinking of all that free time puts me in a happy mood.

And the one thing I LOVE about summer is the fruit!
Watermelon, Blueberries, RASBERRIES (my fav), canalope, honey melon, sweet due,
strawberries, grapes
berries, berries, BERRIES!!

The other day I made blueberry scones because St. Patrick's Day is coming up. And while I was at the store buying blueberries, I bought some strawberries too, and they are just soooo good!
Now since they are not in season, they are not as sweet or big as you can get them in August, but savoring each one just brought me back into my happy place.

Hoping you can find your happy place too,
-Kathleen

Respect

Last year the Seniors told me, watch out Senior year goes fast.
And it has, but not like any other year.
I always felt that it would be more glorious than it is.
It is really nothing special except that I am graduating.
There is no pomp and circumstance for me. Yes I love saying I'm a Senior.
But I don't feel like one, I don't feel like I belong to any grade.
As a freshman, I felt soooo young compared to all the other kids
and not as a senior, I feel so old. So older than everyone else.
And I don't feel like I'm the person I want to be.
I let freshman get the upper hand and I would have never tried to
do that to a senior when I was a freshman. I gave them
a ridiculous amount of respect, that they didn't deserve just because
they were "the big scary seniors" but now as a senior I feel
like I should get that and I'm not. The underclassmen don't
show me the ridiculous amount of respect I feel I should get just because
I have been in the stinking High School for four years.
I should be less meak, but I'm not.
That will be my March resolution to step up and believe in myself.
To stand up straight and respect myself my commanding respect from others.

-Kathleen

Spring

Well it is now the spring of my Senior Years. March, April, May, June..graduation and then the rest of my life. Just four more months, then EVERYTHING changes. Everything I have ever known. For thirteen years I have been doing the same thing. Wake up go to school, after school activities and homework. School has always ended in June and started again in the next grade, come September. But once school ends this June, nothing is clear. Will I be going on to college? Will I travel? Will I get a job? And it is really stressing me out...not knowing what lies ahead. I can't think of any fun times, only stressful nights studying dilligently away at college. But what if I fail at college? What would I do then? Transfer? Get a low paying job because I didn't finish college? And unlike public grade school, college is EXPENSIVE! And I don't want to be wasting my parents's and my own money.
Just four more months
-track
-spring break
-Easter
-my birthday
-Prom
-Finals
-Graduation
-Project Graduation and then what?

Track starts tomorrow and I am really really anxious and nervous and depressed over it. Once I get into the season, track is so much fun but March is killer. March is when we prepare for May championships. "March pain equals May championships." As my track coach always says. And it really also bothers me knowing that this time tomorrow I will be sore, really really sore.
At least the tulips are coming up, and oh yeah I won a prom dress! A free prom dress from a contest I entered. So that is another exciting thing coming up.

Can't wait for the warm weather to come
-Kathleen

Short Story:1

We both stood respectively in front of the long bathroom mirror. She at her sink, to my right and closest to the hand dryer, and me at mine. She leaned closer to the mirror as Alice did, before she feel into the looking glass. Into another world of wonder, and imagination...or LSD.

She took out a pink tube of lipstick, spread it on her lips and gave a final "smack" of approval.

"That man makes no sense," she said to her reflection or me, turned on her heels and walked out; not leaving a speck of dust behind her.

She had not spoken to me in three years. We were never friends and still aren't. But we do have a common dilemma, a common interest of hate for a certain class and teacher.

After I finished washing my hands, I gave a quick wipe on my shirt and pant legs and gave a closer look into the mirror to see what she could see. But I saw nothing of interest. She must have been talking to her reflection, I say to myself; and walk out back to class.

I think this story is not bad for my first short story. But it needs a better ending. Any suggestions?
-Kathleen

Short Story Project

I am going to try to write a short story every week.
They will be about various things almost all will not
pertain to me.
Hopefully, this will improve my writing skills and help me to articulate
my thoughts better.
Have a happy Thursday!
-Kathleen
P.S. First short story will come out soon!